An Odd Place

An Odd Place

I’m not sure quite where I am at the moment. I mean, I know that physically  I’m sitting in my chair, watching a movie and writing, but, still, I have been thinking recently about where I am, where I’m going and why, and I have come to the conclusion that I’m not sure where I am.

I’m kind of employed at the moment. I have a semi-regular gig with a streaming company, but it is only semi-regular. I’m saving up for my container idea, but I’m not there yet. I’m getting ready for Festival One but it’s not for two weeks. There are quite a few things like this at the moment, things that are halfway through yet not quite ready, or requiring something that I have no control over.

I’m sure everyone has periods like this. But this assurance has not helped me to alleviate my feelings of anticipation, or paranoia, or dread, or whatever this is. It’s an odd state of being this; I’m not quite sure what to focus on. Should I be looking to concentrate on a more fulltime job? Should I be looking to save more money and get my container idea?

Life feels like it should be a bit easier. I am aware that without struggle we cannot learn and that the best experiences are often the hardest. But these facts just do not help me.

So this is me – in an odd place, not quite sure what comes next or where to go from here. Questions run around inside my head – do I choose one path and focus on that? Do I try and split my focus, multitask and make the best of everything? Or do I choose a new path and go along with the New Year splurge that is currently invading my facebook feed?

So many things to choose from and yet I’m not sure that if I had an answer I would be sated. I feel like I would question it, its origin, the reasonability of it, the path it would lead me down. I’m not sure I could trust it, rely on it, or follow the path suggested by it.

Then again – perhaps this is a phase; perhaps I will just slop out of it when I get my next gig. The question my non-committal mind asks me though is what if I don’t. And so I am returned to my original dilemma.

I know that this is a shorter post than usual but perhaps it’s because of the way I’m feeling – I’m just not sure quite what to say.