Rowan
(by the way - he didn't edit this bit - can you tell?)
Mascunism.
Where have all the good men gone
and where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising
odds?
You might have recognised the lyrics
from I Need a Hero by Bonnie Tyler.
But she raises a good question, where have
all the good men gone? I consider myself to be an OK man and I hope my wife
considers me the same, but the question remains, and I suppose we should first
define what a good man is.
I think that this would largely
depend on who you ask. Everyone is going to have their own opinion on this, but
I’m going to try and forge a reasonable path and you, dear reader, can feel
free to agree, disagree or comment as you see fit, but I’m going to go ahead
and write this anyway.
I think that the initial roots of
the good man existed somewhere around the 1930s. The good man is a gentleman; he
opens doors for women and works hard for a living. He is able to fix his own
car and he mows his lawns. The good man lends a hand when he is able and helps
his friend to move house.
The good man is a little sexist –
not because he has a dislike of women but because on some level, I think, most
women, however independent, like to be a little spoiled. They like to have the
doors opened and chairs pulled out. They like to be told that they are
beautiful on average days and that their perfume smells nice when they aren’t
wearing any. Problem is that a well-adjusted man – one who treats women as a
pure equal, doesn’t do these things.
Feminism has done many great and
wonderful things for women. But what came before has had an unintended side
effect; some men, having been told that women are equal for many years – some
for as long as they have lived, have accepted this as gospel and, shockingly,
have started treating women as equals. Not opening doors, not pulling out
chairs and not telling them that their hair smells nice. Why? Because they
wouldn’t do it for another man.
Men have allowed women to do the
jobs that they want to do, to make the laws, to become doctors and to leave the
men at home with the kids (when they stick around for more than the
announcement of the pregnancy). But in all of this, I think that both men and women have lost something. There was
a time - and not so long ago at that - that an announcement of pregnancy
spurred a question – not of whether to keep the child but rather one of
marriage. Now I don’t deny that contraception in its more modern forms has also
had an effect. Not only on the previous situation but also on the inherent
goodness that we men seem to have lost. We no longer stick around in
relationships, no longer care about the women whom we impregnate, and some are
not only no longer good fathers but not fathers at all.
I don’t think that there is any one
cause for this sudden lack of good men, but it does seem as though it was
inevitable. It is also measurable, I think, but in a strange way – and for this
I return to songs – specifically songs of the time. There is an interesting,
and not at all scientific, correlation between men’s treatment of women and
themselves, and the music of the time. Such a link can be found here. Watch as
the years tick by and the language gets worse and worse and the way people are
referred to also gets worse and worse.
Men have often referred to
themselves and their male friends in friendly but derogatory terms, but have
referred to women with some respect, and other wives, mothers, sisters and
daughters with more. I can’t speak for
women on this, but when men start treating women as equals, well, to put it
quite simply, they get what they ask for. I don’t think the majority of women
are ready for that.
It’s the little things that I think
will now separate the good man here, but I think that we have to change our
attitudes in order to find him again. There are, I think, some jobs that women
are unable to do, and while I think that women should be able to choose any job
they wish to do, in my industry I have seen only one woman working fulltime.
How many women house movers have you seen, or, for that matter, road workers,
builders or plumbers? In the same way that men still dominate these jobs (and
for a reason), there are some things that men should not do – for very similar
reasons.
So, to answer the initial question
– the good men have been killed off by society, feminism, medical “advancements”
and other reasons too numerous to mention. What can we do to get them back?
I say that we may need another
revolution – we’ve had feminism – now perhaps it’s time for the men to stand up
for their rights and privileges – to be able to open the door for women without
being called a sexist pig, to compliment a woman without being accused of
sexual harassment, to counter those parts of feminism that went too far.
Bring on Mascunism
This will get a lady! it feels like you need a lot of gut to do those genuine simple things. as you talked about being accused. problematic for some of us men because it's really challenging if we ask "how do we find the right one (lady)?" impossible, I think, if we're not being a "good man"!
ReplyDeleteCheers